A Single Woman in Turkey: How to stay safe and have fun!

     

Turkey is a breathtaking country with lots to do and see in the major cities and along the coast. Unfortunately, there are a lot of misconceptions about Turkey because it is predominantly a Muslim country and so the women who live here have loose expectations of what they should wear, do, act, etc. I say "loose" because Turkey is known as a more progressive Muslim country so the laws are a lot more lenient. When I was in Istanbul, I noticed not all local women wore hijabs and loose fitting clothing. In Turkey, I observed that women have more personal choice in this area. I asked several locals if I should wear a scarf when entering Blue Mosque or Hagia Sophia. The general consensus was that I don't have to, but it shows more respect if I do. While I didn't end up going inside due to long lineups and being stingy with money, I absolutely would have had I gone inside.

        I experienced a lot of male attention for the first couple of days. While other women have had more negative experiences, I only received catcalls, not vulgar in nature but getting yelled at from across the way is still very uncomfortable. It was the "hey beautiful. Where you from?" kind of thing. After the first 2 days, I started walking around like I was on my way to fuck shit up and completely disregarded the existence of males. Somehow, the catcalls ceased. I wonder why 😏

Unfortunately, and I understand that it shouldn't be this way, but if you look like a tourist that doesn't know where they're going or what they're doing, it is going to bring more attention. The way you carry yourself matters. If possible, carry yourself as if you're a local or a long term resident who knows the area. Head up with confidence, looking in the direction you're going. Sometimes, you'll lose a GPS signal or maybe you don't have a SIM card so you don't have data. Keep walking as if you know exactly where you're going. You may get a little lost but that's a great way to actually get to know the area you're in. 

If you're getting worried about straying too far off course, just slip in to the nearest cafe you see, grab a delicious Turkish Coffee and ask for the WiFi password so you can pull up "maps" and get an idea of how to get to your destination or back to your hostel. Every establishment has Wifi. This way, I also learned about great cafes and got to know some of the locals. The owners are usually incredibly friendly and hospitable. My SIM card didn't work in Turkey because it's not part of the EU so this was my go-to strategy, and it never failed me. Also, bringing someone with you that you meet at your hostel is a good idea too if you're not comfortable going alone. You get a lot less attention when you're with a friend, male or female. 

    I would say that 98% of locals are friendly, hospitable and generous who welcome you with open arms. I found Istanbul to be a great lesson in not reacting to different kinds of attention. Don't stop, don't engage, and don't react. I have heard different things about local law enforcement and their position on locals harassing tourists, so it's best to pretend like you don't even hear it rather than risk escalating any encounters you might have. 

    As time went on, I got more comfortable with the area, I got to know the locals, I learned when to stop and engage and when to keep moving. I felt safer and more confident leaving my hostel alone. Shop owners will call out to you to come see their shops. If you're not interested, avoid eye contact. They can be very persuasive and will have you in their shop buy everything under the sun if you're not of a strong will and mind. Learning how to say NO to an offer to buy something is imperative to keep your money in your wallet. Istanbul is very cheap in comparison to many other countries, but if you're a minimalist budget traveler like me, you're not going to want to spend a bunch of money on things you have to carry around with you. Also, when it comes to taxis, items being sold, small services, etc, you have to bargain with EVERYTHING. I totally got jipped on a taxi and paid WAY too much because I was afraid of making someone uncomfortable. Bartering is a huge part of Turkish culture. Don't be afraid to practice your negotiating skills. I talked a woman down on a pair of pants I bought. She wanted to charge me 250 liras but talked her down to 200. That applies to everything lol. 

    Turkey is also a beautiful place with lots to see and do. Now that we covered some ways to mitigate negative attention and some safety tips, let's talk about how to fully experience Turkish culture! It's always better when you meet a few people to experience it with. I met a lady from kazakhstan at my hostel and we went to a restaurant that also has a laundry facility. Kamila was bringing me along to pick up her laundry and we ended up at a shisha lounge and restaurant called "mezpotamia". There, we ordered pasta dishes and real Turkish dessert. Baklava and Kunefe. Kunefe is a hot puff pastry with cheese inside. It is to die for! We ordered shisha to "drink". 

The Turkish people actually call it "drinking shisha" instead of smoking it. This is what Muslim folks do to socialize because they don't drink alcohol. 

Kamila and I ate, drank shisha, and talked non stop about our respective home-countries. After some time, 2 gentlemen came over with their instruments and entertained us for a bit. We have them a few lira to say thank you. This night was totally unexpected which is what made it so much fun. 

    In my experience, the best way to get out there and enjoy the culture and truly get immersed in the locale, get lost a bit, stumble upon restaurants on your route, and visit restaurants and establishments that aren't right around big touristy areas. The unexpected nights out, and smaller establishments is where you'll get to experience local cuisine, how the people live day to day, and you'll enjoy yourself like one of the locals too. 

     I cannot say enough good things about Turkey. Don't be afraid to get out there, talk to the locals, and immerse yourself in daily life. However, be particular about who you engage with, especially shop and restaurant owners trying to get you into their establishments. 

I hope this is insightful and helps you on your next trip to Turkey!

AnneMarie Vaughan

Sofia, Bulgaria: A First Time Backpacker's Experience

Statue of Saint Sofia

    Bulgaria is not a typical destination for backpackers. I didn't know what to expect when I first landed in Sofia, Bulgaria from London. This was my first solo trip abroad and I was terrified, excited, exhilarated...a myriad of emotions overwhelmed me. I had no idea what I was doing. Would people speak English? Would I be a pariah because I couldn't speak Bulgarian? Would people turn their noses up at me? Would I find my way around? Could I navigate the city or would I end up hunkering down in my hostel for days on end out of fear of getting lost? I mean after all, countless people told me I would definitely be human trafficked and assaulted because I was going to travel alone. *big eye roll*

            It was night when I landed which added to the list of questions I had. Would the cab driver understand me? Should I get into this cab? I asked one of the airport attendees to translate my intended address. When I got in, I pulled up "MAPS" to follow along to ensure I was being taken at least in the general direction of my hostel. I recommend this to anyone anywhere you don't know the area. 

There were so many big f***ing question marks above my head. 

As the little white taxi made it's way toward my new temporary home, I took note of the graffiti, the buildings with walls and windows missing, and the foundations with cracks going up the length of the concrete from which they were built. At first, I thought maybe it was a "bad part" of town. But then I remembered that Bulgaria is part of the group of ex-communist countries. It was a country that had been ravaged and still trying to get back on it's feet after 45 years of the brutal and destructive communist regime. There was no one to maintain these structures for years, and no money going in to them. It wasn't a bad part of town, it was part of Bulgaria's hard won battle to move forward from a brutal past. 

    When I arrive at my new home, I'm greeted warmly by someone who surprisingly....does not have a Bulgarian accent. He's an American from Texas. He's a volunteer who's "working" in exchange for accommodation and food. *vigorously takes mental notes to be stored away for future reference*. He shows me to my room where I'm sharing with 2 German women. I immediately feel right at home. This is exactly what I've imagined. 

Me in front of the 5th and 6th century ruins of ancient Roman Civilizations that I found

Down in the lounge, there's about 10 other people from all over the world. Peru, Bulgaria, Germany, Indiana, England, Italy, Spain, and so many others. The sense of community I felt staying there was unparalleled. 

Over the next couple of days, I dared to venture further and further away from my hostel to get to know the city of Sofia. Once I made it into the city center, and got sight of Saint Sofia and the 5th and 6th century ruins of ancient Roman civilizations, I realized that for the first time in years, this is exactly where I'm suppose to be.

I fit right in with the locals and backpackers alike. I stopped to ask directions at one point and the shop owner was more than happy to help! With the language barrier, Bulgarian-English pronunciations can sound very sharp and pointed but it's not frustration or aggression. I was really nervous about asking for help or speaking to the locals because I wasn't sure about how they felt about English speakers. Turns out, most quite enjoy practicing their English skills. 

The best way to truly immerse yourself into the culture, get to know the locals, learn how to navigate the city, and find things to do and see on and off the beaten track is to get lost. Start walking, jump on a bus or tram and see where it takes you. Or, find a site you want to see outside the busy city and learn the transit system. Doing this, I found Vitosha Mountain and the chair lift to the top. 

Vitosha Mountain was an interesting and hilarious experience. It was a 13 degree day and so I dressed like I was going to the beach. I didn't even think about the 10 degree drop at the top of the mountain. I arrived at the base of the mountain and bought a lift ticket. What I didn't realize is that this is still skiing weather for the locals. I had white ripped jeans, sneakers, tank top, and a light chemise. I got to the top and got right back on the lift to go back down because it was so cold. I got a lot of folks staring and asking if I was cold. I told them I'm Canadian so this is like beach weather for me lolol. 

My very weather appropriate outfit for snowy mountains. (Note my sarcasm)

My ride up Vitosha Mountain

        On my way back down, a snowboarder named "Nikolai" got on and we started chatting. He told me a lot about the Bulgarian language, good sites to see in Plovdiv when I got there, the Slavic alphabet, and the differences between the Russian and Slavic alphabet. He's a tattoo artist that lives in Sofia. I learned quite a bit on the 30 minute ride back down. A day before this, I went and got a tattoo at a shop in Sofia. It's a really small world because it turns out, Nikolai use to be business partners with the people who did my tattoo. What a coincidence! All this from getting lost and not having a sweet clue what I was doing. 

As a solo traveler, this is also where your new found self reliance comes from. Trusting in your ability to find your way around, gaining confidence in your instincts and learning to trust yourself and others. Sofia taught me that my comfort zone is very temporary and can always be expanded. Most often, our lack of trust in others is a lack of trust in ourselves to enforce boundaries when we need to and do what's best for us. Most people are inherently good, and can be trusted. It's us that need to start validating our boundaries and emotions when something doesn't feel right. Trust that people will show you who they are with their actions instead of words and trust yourself to decide if they're a person you want to engage with. Solo travel is a great teacher for this. 

2 awesome folks I met at my hostel! So much fun this night!

Sofia, Bulgaria was a great teacher for what I needed to know about myself and helped me gain the confidence I needed to continue on to busier, bigger destinations. I left this city saying "HEY! I can do this!" But it also taught me to dig deeper beyond the frayed buildings and the graffiti. Thanks for the lessons Sofia! 'til next time!

xoxo

AnneMarie Vaughan

Banya Bashi Mosque in the city center

3 Ways Travel Heals and Nurtures

Sofia, Bulgaria

As someone who has struggled her entire life with self love and the constant need for validation, I think travel is the only thing I've ever done that was solely for me. It was the one thing that has been enough to overpower the hold of trauma bonds, codependency, and anxious attachment. When I boarded that plane on March 10, 2022, I fully chose me for the first time in my life. And that's the first time I showed myself what unadulterated self-love feels like. 

I've just spent nearly a week in Sofia, Bulgaria and I found my need for validation started to evaporate after about 4 days. It feels like a huge weight off my chest. Living in the moment, navigating a city with a huge language barrier, and meeting so many different people with similar mindsets brings you into the present moment instead of seeking approval from others.

When you successfully get outside your comfort zone, and prove to yourself you're capable of these things you never before considered, you learn to adapt and to rely on yourself. Learning that the only person you need to prove yourself to is you is an incredible achievement after years of chasing it from other people. 

My need for validation kept me reliving the past. But living in the moment every day in order to make my way around Europe by myself is effectively rewiring my mind to just be, and to remain in flow. 

I have found that I don't respond well to sudden changes but when on the road, things can change at the drop of a hat. Am I going to have a disproportionate emotional response to every flight delay, cancellation, new location recommendation, and weather change? The same logic applies to other areas of my life. It's the need to control my surroundings and even the people in my life, at a subconscious level of course. I need to control how people feel about me through people-pleasing, and control others' reactions to me. 

When on the road, I'm learning to accept the flow of things and release so much anxiety around peoples' emotions. This is why navigating a city and my travels with strong language barriers can be so intimidating. You're worried people will get frustrated with you, or make fun of you, or not approve of you in one way or another. Not giving a flying f*** is a hard learned lesson that comes only when you release the expectation that people should approve of you. 

Before I boarded the plane to Europe, I was still trauma bonded to unhealthy and toxic people. I can already feel those attachments being broken. For the first time in about a year, I feel like I can breathe. I'm not suffocating in trauma or toxicity. 

So here are 3 ways travel has already begun to heal me and nurture me to great emotional health:

1) Brings me in to the present moment whether I'm ready or not and keeps me there. I have no choice but to go with the flow. 

2) Travel pushes my comfort zone and leaves me thinking "I did that!". The only validation I need to seek is my own. Travel (especially solo) will have me believing in myself so I won't need the approval of others. 

3) I'm healing from a lifetime of people pleasing because otherwise, I'll get scammed. 😂So I'm learning really quick to do only what's best for me. I learn how to say and stick to "no". This mindset will follow me back into everyday life. 

Thanks for reading! 

Adventurous Annie!